You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
