Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
