So gin and wine won't be happening again
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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