tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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