Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
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Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
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He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just want nice things and good sex
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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