the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
