I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
