you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
barbara walters just said penis...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
