that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Randomize
