you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize