he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
