You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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