PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
