yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
