Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
