maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
