addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
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Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
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It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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