is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
