and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
