She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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