I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
