i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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