If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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