I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
handjob tips. give me some.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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