are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
