I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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