at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
