god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
whose parrot is this?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
