GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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