I got chris browned last night
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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