i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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