dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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