I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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