i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
