His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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