turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
