I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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