Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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