whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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