she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
