i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
