You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
