Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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