New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
