did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
