You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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