Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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