I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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