I should be sponsored by Trojan
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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