I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
