I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
