I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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