Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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