So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
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Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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