When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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