just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
