The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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