We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Send us your Text From Last Night!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I stole a fireplace last night.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
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