do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
