Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
