Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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