I'm so fucking centered right now
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
