Hey man sorry I got all grabby
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
