ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
