is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
