So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
