I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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