I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
