I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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