everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
