Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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