he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
