I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
