we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
