just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
