Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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