My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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