There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Someone signed my nipple.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
