kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
