I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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