Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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