Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
