Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It's Friday. Sex?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
