I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
