Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
