I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
